Oh, Winter
by Cooked Brains
Summary: Set in 2014, Craig learns that you can never really take anything for granted. Craig/Clyde Songfic, Craig POV. Please review. Rated for heavy emotions.


A/N: This is a HUGE AU, where the setting is 2014 and Craig and Clyde have been married since 2008, dating since 2004. This is canon for me though, but I thought I'd give the AU disclaimer anyway.

This is a songfic to 'Burial' by Alexisonfire. I am very inspired by Dallas Green, he/his voice will always be my muse. I think I did pretty well with the careful placement of the lyrics.

This fic deals with a lot of heavy emotions and did a number on me while writing this. I hope you get the same emotions that were passed to me. I say it's heavy but I'm not sure what it looks like through just a reader's eyes. Please notify me of any mistakes too, it would be appreciated.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

"Oh, Winter."

My love for another man was profound. I never thought it would happen. He kissed me and from then on I knew something was going to happen. Soon enough I fell in love with him. We had the best life. We moved in together, started our own life alone. We got married after 4 years.

_When will this winter end?_

I loved him more than I have ever loved anybody or anything. He was my soulmate. He was everything I was not. He completed me. He made me feel as if I could float if I spread my arms. I felt so happy. He was my Christmas morning…

_The snow's been fallin' for months…_

Today is December 25. I'm reminded of this day in 2007. It was a Tuesday. The snow was heavy but the atmosphere inside was as light as it could ever be. I watched my love open countless boxes with nothing in them. When he picked up others, he'd smile from the weight. His smile would vanish as soon as the wrapping revealed coal. I tried so hard not to laugh.

He went to his stocking to find some razors, shaving cream, a new toothbrush, and some deodorant. At the bottom was more coal. Even though at this time he was 21, I've never seen his lip drop so low from not getting anything for Christmas. He plopped himself onto the couch, crossing his arms. His kid was showing.

I smiled and asked, "What's the matter, babe?" In return I got a glare. I laughed.

"This isn't funny!" He yelled. I loved seeing him angry. It was adorable. It was more adorable knowing what was happening next. He couldn't see it but it was all I ever saw for the past five months.

"Baby, look at the tree. There's one more thing up there." I nodded my head towards the Christmas tree, with its colorful lights. Nestled on a branch cleverly placed between two candy canes—one pink, the other blue—was a little black box. Clyde looked at it then back at me, his eyebrows furrowed. He wasn't sure if it was more coal or not.

I smiled. I walked over to the tree and grabbed the box. A big heave escaped me in attempt to release my jitters. This decision, no matter what the outcome was, would change my life forever.

I moved so I was standing in front of my lover. My beautiful lover. His face unveiled confusion but there was still a glint in his eye. He was starting to put two and two together. I lowered onto one knee, never breaking our eye contact.

Putting the box next to me on the floor, I grabbed Clyde's hand. Mine were a bit shaky from the nervousness. "Clyde…" I saw a suppressed smile on his face. The story leading to the question was long. After about a full minute of pouring my heart and soul onto him, I concluded. "You've made the past three and a half years worth living…" His eyes were welling. My heart was bursting. I gave a dramatic pause before I laid it down. "Clyde Donovan … Will you marry me?" Simultaneously I opened the box with my hand while it sat in the other. It revealed a solid gold band, shiny and untouched.

Clyde nodded and squeaked a choked-back yes. I grinned and took out the ring. I had it in my right hand as I took Clyde's left hand in mine. I slid the ring onto his finger where it would forever stay. It looked so good on his tan skin. I rested my right hand and ran my left thumb over Clyde's fingers. It took him a moment to collapse himself into my arms. I felt his body shake with every sob and I felt my shoulder become damper with every tear.

"Oh my god, oh my god … I love you!" He repeated. Neither of us had ever been that happy before.

It was the best day of our lives.

_The town all dressed in white…_

Five months and four days later, we exchanged our vows in a small courtroom. We signed the papers and we were now legally bonded. His last name was now the same as mine. We shared the traditional kiss followed by a tight embrace. There wasn't a moment that day I didn't see his teeth.

After, we went to a fire hall we managed to borrow for the night. We had a reception there. Both of our families were there and applauded us when we pulled up in the limo as newlyweds. Most of his family was there, which I discovered that Clyde has one of the biggest families in America. The day was filled with hugs and congratulations. The night was continued with dancing, drinking and music. We celebrated the whole night that we would be together forever.

Forever…

_And my skin is burnin' from the wind…_

Five and a half years later on a cold and snowy Thursday night in December, I sat on my couch watching TV. I was waiting for my husband to come home from work. I had pizza delivered to our house and I was just finishing my third slice. I felt very alone that night. I felt more alone than I normally did…

_A cold sun in disguise…_

I received the worst phone call of my life that night. It was around one o'clock in the morning on December Thirteenth, Two-Thousand Thirteen. A doctor at Denver Hospital called to inform me my life had ended. Clyde was gone. I immediately raced to the hospital despite the horrible weather. When I arrived, I demanded to hear what happened; I was in denial that he was gone.

Clyde had just left his job out in Middle Park. In the summer it's a twenty-five minute drive from South Park. In the winter it's about forty-five. He worked until midnight that night, giving him a long ten-hour day. He drove home on Route 20 which was his usual way home. It was incredibly snowy and the roads were covered in ice and slush. Clyde's car hit a patch of black ice and he spun out across the road. The road was four lanes, two going each way. He was unfortunately on the far right lane and when he spun out, a car hit him going the opposite way. It hit his side. He died at the scene.

I stayed at the hospital for as long as I could. Later I was joined by Clyde's parents. I embraced his mom and we held each other as we wept. After, I hugged his dad. It was the first time I saw him cry. I told them what happened as we mourned, sitting beside Clyde on the hospital bed. We stayed there until the sun came up. We left for home to get ready for the wake.

_An assault from the morning light…_

Monday the Sixteenth came around which was the day my lover would be put to eternal rest. I spoke at the ceremony followed by Clyde's mom. When the ceremony was done, all the women formed a line to pay their last respects one by one. The immediate family sitting closest to the casket stayed put and was given hugs by everyone who walked by. The men followed the women, who were followed by the immediate family. Everyone waited outside for the last person to come out, which was me and Clyde's parents. Us three stood there, looking at him. I had a moment with him by myself as my in-laws stood in the background, waiting patiently.

_My burial, I can't succeed…_

I placed my hand onto his for the last time. My eyes started to sting and my throat burned. My hand touched his face, my thumb caressing his cheek. He looked so peaceful… He looked just as he did every morning while I watched him sleep. I'd wake him up to see his sparkling eyes. Everything I had with him I took for granted and now it had been ripped from my very possession. I would never see him again… I leaned over to kiss his cheek, and then I kissed his ring. A single tear fell onto his cold, lifeless hand.

I turned around, my vision completely impaired from the tears. I embraced Clyde's mom as close as I could, letting out a loud cry. She was the closest I could ever get to Clyde now. I don't think I have ever cried so hard in my life. The people waiting outside could hear me screaming at the loss of my better half. Clyde's mom sobbed audibly as well. I was her only son now. I slowly fell to the floor with my mom still holding me. I didn't want to get up.

_Frozen and paralyzed…_

Clyde was laid to rest on December Sixteenth, Two-Thousand Thirteen. I've been living without him for over a year now. This Christmas, today, made me realize I can't stand the holiday anymore. It always reminds me of when I proposed to my husband. It used to make me smile but now it's done nothing but make me cry. As I walk along the country-side roads in the snow, I'm filled with the same sense of loneliness as I did that dreaded Thursday night.

This year has been hell for me. I lived through what would have been our tenth anniversary of dating. I lived through what would have been our sixth anniversary as husbands as well as his twenty-eighth birthday. I've spent more time alone this year than I've ever had in my life. Everything reminds me of him because we've done everything together. I used to love winter and I used to love Christmas, even before our engagement. Now it's my most dreaded season. Winter will forever remind me of how it killed my soulmate. It ended both mine and Clyde's life.

_Oh, winter…_

No matter what, Clyde's spirit will be with me. I still talk to him as if he was still physically here… I hug my pillow as if it was him. I had to buy all new pillows and blankets. The old ones smelled too much like him. I couldn't stand it. It gave me the allusion that he was going to come home. One time I swear he did, but I think I'm slowly becoming insane.

_Oh, winter…_

Clyde, you know that not a day goes by that I don't think about you. There isn't a day where I don't miss you. I really can't wait until we meet again. It may not take much longer; I feel death creeping up on me because of my heartbreak. I wish I could have told you I loved you for one last time. I just want to let you know that I don't regret anything. I feel as if I gave you the attention and love you needed, plus more. I feel as though you're not stuck here, that you don't have "unfinished business." I know that you're as free as ever, just waiting for me. Don't fret Clyde, baby, I'll be there soon. I'm comin'…


End file.
